Wild how carrying around butterscotch candies became a stereotypical punchline for old people. Like this Move is somehow a bad thing. You know what? Fuck that. I'm capitalizing Butterscotch. Just out of god damn respect. If Ms. Gomer comes calling (my freshman English teacher), tell her I slipped it in the proper noun category.
The Silent Generation. Tough-ass crew: fought in wars, paved the way for civil rights, and yeah, occasionally dished out a Butterscotch to their grandkids. Selfless Move. I mean, think about it. You're getting ready for 9:00am Sunday mass. Right before you step out the door, you backtrack and shove a couple extra Werther's in your purse, knowing you'll see little Timmy and Shay. Now you're giving hugs, kisses, dishing out Butterscotches to your day ones. What a Move. Nobody, and I mean nobody, should ever be held in contempt for executing such a great Move.
Then a collection of Boomer/Gen X giggle heads decided to play judge, jury and executioner on this Move. Same dipshits who reaped the benefits of free Butterscotches for years. They said, "Nah... That's for old people!" Now the only thing old people carry around is an entitled, "I worked harder than you!" attitude.
This damn stigma, and American society's constant fight against aging, has led to a massive shortage of Butterscotches in old people's purses. 50-60 year old woman scoffing at the bags of Butterscotches they pass at their local CVS. "I'm not old. Not yet. Not me!"
I'm about to bring that shit back. Snag a handful of Butterscotches before I head out. Dish 'em out to the squad. Next thing you know I got people hunting me down late night. "Any more Butterscotch candies?" they ask.
For all you single peeps out there: you wanna talk about initiating conversation with a group of girls/guys. Just offer them a Butterscotch. Sure, you'll immediately hear, "What are you an old lady?" Like that's a bad thing. "Old lady? Like my Grandma? Hell yeah! She was awesome."
Now we're talking Grandmas and falling in love.
The world needs to receive Butterscotches again. Dishing Out Butterscotches. Could Be The Move.